I have always thought that as soon as my child was old enough, she would go to preschool no questions asked. Until I got too close to that point. I am not even sure where my apprehension stems from. could it possibly have to do with the fact that this would mean she really REALLY wouldn't be my little baby anymore? Could it be the recent tragic events of Sandy Hook elementary and other similarly scary situations happening in schools throughout the US(of course the world as well, but we don't plan on leaving the country anytime soon). Whatever it is, it is there. I am terrified.
A few months ago, when I took Adrianna to her two year checkup, her pediatrician was going through the typical questions...does she climb up stairs one foot at a time and can she do a couple without holding onto anything? Does she speak in two or three word sentences? Does she recognize some colors? Does she know more than 40 words? The pediatrician didn't need me to answer many of these because Adrianna was demonstrating her abilities the whole time. I already knew she was a bright child, and that her vocabulary was extensive for her age. After her initial checkup, the doctor told me that she is more than ready for preschool and gave me her immunization chart in case I wanted to enroll her sometime within the next few months. OH.MY.GOD. Preschool???!!!! I had thought about it and had discussed it with Joe but for someone else to point out the reality that my baby girl was almost ready for preschool freaked me out! Ever since then I have been thinking about what it would be like and I almost end up weeping in a corner with her cuddled in my arms....and by almost I mean this has actually happened more than once. I can't imagine not being there to oversee her growth and to protect her from kids that can be mean. I can't imagine not being the one to teach her. I know homeschooling isn't right for my family, but I have considered it. So here I am, facing the potential of preschool. By September, my baby will be in preschool. I can enroll her earlier but I want to wait until she is 3. I need to buy myself more time to prepare myself. If I were to take her tomorrow, she would have no problem going into the class and could care less if I left her there by herself. She is soooo independent that it kills me. Just cry for mama for once!!! Is that too much to ask :( She knows her ABCs, counts to 20, can pretend to read a book based on interpretation of the pictures in the book, she can do puzzles and recognizes all shapes even trapezoids and diamonds, she pretend plays, and she is so ready to begin. I don't know where the time goes but it is going way too fast.
It makes me so anxious that I have to put her safety in someone else's hands. I have to drop her off in the mornings and trust that she will be there when I pick her up, safe and sound. Sure, parents have been doing this for years and I am sure with similar worries but things like kidnappings and school shootings are very real and make this transition all too worrisome for me. I know I will let go and just send her off to school one day. I have to let her grow into a person away from her mommy and daddy. I can't hold on forever. I just can't help but think that this will just be one of many times I will have to let her go, it is going to snowball from preschool to high school to college to having to watch her walk down the isle one day and give herself to her future husband. I'm telling you, I'm not crazy people. I know how this works. It starts with preschool then BAM! She moves out on her own. And I can't stop it. All I can do is savor each and every single second of the time I have with her, just us. No siblings (yet!) no sharing with anyone else. Just her and me, and Toy Story...which I will watch as many times as she wants me to without complaining, if it means getting to hold her close for one more day. Just me and her.
|Adrianna at 3 months old|